For the audio version of this post, click here:

God has shown me time and again that He wants to heal us.  He cares not only about our needs for physical healing; He cares about our hearts, our emotional pain, our inner hurts.

Having experienced abandonment many times throughout my life, I used to gravely doubt God cared.  So how do I know now that He actually does?

God has shown me in such clear and powerful ways that there is no denying it was Him : 

It all began on a typical Saturday. My husband and I had just been walking in the park and wanted a snack, so we stopped by a local grocery store called Don Quijote.

I went straight to my favorite aisle of salty Asian snacks and was happily browsing the huge variety when I stopped in my tracks. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I whispered to my husband: “Honey! Hon! I think I just saw my friend from high school!”

Now, this wouldn’t have been a big deal had I grown up here in Hawaii, but I had moved here from Georgia more than a decade ago. Seeing my friend in this local grocery store meant that she had traveled the entire length of the United States and over the Pacific Ocean and just “magically,” randomly popped up in the local grocery store. What’s more, I had not seen this girl in eleven years! More than a DECADE! (This is aging me, I know! LOL!)

Eyes wide with disbelief and nervousness, I told my husband about my friend Janet. Eleven years ago, we lost touch in a way that left me feeling abandoned. During high school, Janet and I had met in choir and become fast friends; she was my closest friend at Norcross High. We were a goofy pair and had a lot of laughter and fun; we also shared similar troubles at home.

Like mine, Janet’s home environment was chaotic and hurtful; her mother struggled with inner pain that often spilled out in verbal and physical abuse toward Janet. A couple of times, Janet came to stay with me in my family’s house to get away.  During college, we shared my small bedroom for about a month and grew closer than ever. When Janet moved out, she disappeared and did not return my calls. Confused and disappointed, I wondered if I had done something wrong.

When we finally re-connected, needing a safe place to stay, she moved in again, and we talked about her disappearance.  We promised we would at least try and tell each other what’s going on when something happened. We owed our friendship at least that much.

Soon, Janet moved out again. Some time later, I became the one in need—seeking shelter and comfort to get away from my own abusive situation at home, but Janet was again nowhere to be found. I reached out but received no response. I felt used, taken for granted, rejected, and bitter because I had been there for her, but she didn’t seem to care when I was suffering. At the time when I needed her most, she was not there. I never saw or heard from her again.

The emptiness of abandonment by Janet deepend the anguish I already felt from the verbal, physical, and sexual abuse of my own family. Not long after the loss of this friendship, as everything else came crashing down, I finally realized I needed to get away from that toxic environment, so I moved to Hawaii to start life over.  I never expected to see Janet again; neither did I want to. It was just another layer of pain that I wanted to leave behind.

~~~~~~~

So as you can imagine, it was mind-boggling to see Janet in my local grocery store after I had moved halfway across the world to get away from everything and everyone in my past. Yet, I wanted to know if it was really her. I wanted to know what happened. We had promised each other not to just leave one another in the lurch, and I had thought we were both earnest about it. Still, she had not kept her end of the promise, and there had to be a good reason why. Besides, just the curiosity of seeing her here in Hawaii motivated me to look for her.

I was yet unsure if it really was Janet since it seemed so impossible, but I passed by her once more and confirmed that it was.  Still, I was too scared to say anything. This was one of my best friends who had abandoned me in the midst of the hardest time in my life! How could I know that she would want to talk to me now? Did I even want to talk to her??

Still, I scrounged up the courage and waited for Janet at the front of the store—hoping to catch her before she left. Not seeing her, I even thought about having someone page her over the store’s loudspeaker, but I didn’t have the guts to do that, so—disappointed—I finally just gave up. A few days later, I ventured to email Janet at her old address.  To my surprise and relief, she responded quickly and warmly, saying that she had seen me, too. She was equally shocked and excited and asked if we could meet.

When we met, we were able not only to catch up on each others’ lives but also to talk through what happened to our friendship. Although we had promised not to lose touch years ago, Janet shared that it was her own struggles with guilt that kept her from reaching out to me even when she wanted to many times over the years. Janet explained that she felt overwhelmed with a sense of inadequacy when she and I were both going through crises with our families. This sense of not being enough—not being able to help me—caused her to shut down as it was compounded by her sense of inadequacy to please her mother. She simply felt unable to be there for me and struggled with the guilt of it for many years.

All these years, I had thought I was the problem. I was too much or I wasn’t lovable. I wasn’t worth being there for. I felt so bitter that she had disappeared when I had tried my best to be there for her in the worst times.God knew we both needed healing. Janet needed freedom from a sense of guilt and inadequacy, and I needed healing from believing that I was not worth being there for.

We both needed relief from these lies. We needed to hear the truth from each other, and by God’s grace, we were able to speak the healing words to one another. I had the chance to assure Janet that—while I needed her support as a friend—I did not expect her to be my everything or to fix all my problems. She was not responsible for me or my life. Her value did not lie in filling my needs or her mother’s. Her value rests in the fact that she is a daughter of God.

At the same time, Janet was able to help rid me of the lie that I had believed all these years—that she abandoned me because I was not valuable or lovable, that it was my fault she disappeared. Her opening up and being vulnerable to share her sense of inadequacy helped me to see that my being abandoned had nothing to do with me. It was a result of her own inner struggles, not my lack of value.

Our honest conversation even helped me realize that all the times I was mistreated, neglected, or abused by others were not because I deserved it, not because I was unlovable. In fact, they likely had little to do with me. Certainly, I had my faults and struggles, but those painful interactions had more to do with the circumstances, the other person and their inner struggles.

All these years, I had interpreted others’ treatment of me as my own fault. Now, I could see that it had much less to do with me and more to do with what others were dealing with on the inside. This revelation God brought through my talk with Janet was a salve not only for my wounds from her but from others, too! It helped me see clearly that my mom’s neglect when I told her I was being molested was really a result of her own fears. My mom didn’t neglect me because she didn’t love me or because I was not important. She just didn’t know what to do in such a terrible situation.

When Janet and I met again these many years later, time had not healed all wounds. It’s not true that the passage of time will make everything go away. God knew we still needed to seek and ask for forgiveness. Oftentimes, this can be done just privately in His presence. In this case, God granted us the miraculous experience of finding forgiveness—and healing truths—directly from one other. God gave us the courage to reach out to one another, to reconcile, to give and receive forgiveness. He knew how important our talk would be in the process to make our hearts whole again, to know our true value, and receive His love; so, He brought the two of us—worlds apart and more than a decade later—together to find His freedom from long-held bitterness and guilt.

This is the power of God. This is the extent of His love for us. This is how much He cares about healing our hearts. He longs to heal you. He yearns to make us whole again—the way He meant for us to be from the beginning.

God knew that Janet and I needed healing, and He pulled out all the stops to make it happen. He removed the barriers of time and space. When you realize God loves you so much that He will stop at nothing to heal you—that revelation is healing and hope-giving in and of itself!

I believe God is pulling out all the stops to heal you, too. It may look different, and He may be using other ways to reach out to you, but He is preparing those opportunities and longing to comfort and restore you.

In Psalm 34, verse 18, God tells us that He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Keep your eyes open, and take hold of God’s hand when you see Him reaching for you! The healing process can be tough; it can even feel scary and awkward, but it is worth it, and He will help you get through it, so you can be free!